"Popular" by Mitch Prinstein - Book Review

Summary

"A leading psychologist examines how our popularity affects our success, our relationships, and our happiness—and why we don’t always want to be the most popular

No matter how old you are, there’s a good chance that the word “popular” immediately transports you back to your teenage years. Most of us can easily recall the adolescent social cliques, the high school pecking order, and which of our peers stood out as the most or the least popular teens we knew. Even as adults we all still remember exactly where we stood in the high school social hierarchy, and the powerful emotions associated with our status persist decades later. This may be for good reason.

Popular examines why popularity plays such a key role in our development and, ultimately, how it still influences our happiness and success today. In many ways—some even beyond our conscious awareness—those old dynamics of our youth continue to play out in every business meeting, every social gathering, in our personal relationships, and even how we raise our children. Our popularity even affects our DNA, our health, and our mortality in fascinating ways we never previously realized. More than childhood intelligence, family background, or prior psychological issues, research indicates that it’s how popular we were in our early years that predicts how successful and how happy we grow up to be.

But it’s not always the conventionally popular people who fare the best, for the simple reason that there is more than one type of popularity—and many of us still long for the wrong one. As children, we strive to be likable, which can offer real benefits not only on the playground but throughout our lives. In adolescence, though, a new form of popularity emerges, and we suddenly begin to care about status, power, influence, and notoriety—research indicates that this type of popularity hurts us more than we realize.

Realistically, we can’t ignore our natural human social impulses to be included and well-regarded by others, but we can learn how to manage those impulses in beneficial and gratifying ways. Popular relies on the latest research in psychology and neuroscience to help us make the wisest choices for ourselves and for our children, so we may all pursue more meaningful, satisfying, and rewarding relationships."

Review

This is a short and accessible read about social psychology, particularly how the concept of popularity influences many aspects of our social arrangements and life paths. The most compelling distinction presented is between two types of popularity: one that seeks status and is associated with visibility, fame, and power, often embodied by individuals who downplay others, such as bullies in high school; and another that is characterised by likeability, which involves the ability to connect with others, actively listen, and be a desirable social presence.

The first type of popularity is linked to negative outcomes later in life, such as substance abuse and unemployment, while the latter is associated with positive outcomes and organic social advancement. Although the book offers a smooth and easy reading experience for those interested in social psychology, it ultimately feels more motivational than analytical. It does not provide substantial data, which may leave advanced readers in the field wanting more relevant information.

Key Takeaways

• Seeking popularity for the sake of status is linked to negative consequences later in life
• Our level of popularity influences various subconscious outcomes, including our ability to network and advance professionally
• Early childhood experiences, particularly those related to the social hierarchy we encounter in schools, significantly impact our brain development and continue to affect us into adulthood

Who Should Read This

Readers interested in social psychology and how our teenage experiences shape who we become later in life.

Favourite Quotes

"In a very real manner, our experiences with popularity are always occupying our minds. We never really left high school at all."

"When we remember what “popular” meant in high school, we are invoking the type of popularity that social scientists believe more accurately reflects status . Status is not a measure of how well liked a person is, but rather of his or her dominance, visibility, power, and influence. Interestingly, status does not become salient to us until we reach adolescence, but it tends to establish itself as a meaningful kind of popularity for the rest of our lives."

"In other words, we begin to base our self-esteem not on how we feel, but on how we gauge that others approve of us. If everyone in homeroom thinks that we’re cool, it means that we are cool. If we are teased or ignored by our peers, we don’t interpret it to mean that they are being mean or rude; rather, we take it as evidence of our own unworthiness. In adolescence, our self-concept is not merely informed by how our peers treat us but is fully dictated by such experiences."

Rating

⭐⭐⭐ (3/5 stars)