"The Defining Decade" by Meg Jay - Book Review
Summary
"The Defining Decade has changed the way millions of twentysomethings think about their twenties--and themselves. Revised and reissued for a new generation, let it change how you think about you and yours.
Our "thirty-is-the-new-twenty" culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Some say they are an extended adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. In The Defining Decade, Meg Jay argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation, much of which has trivialized the most transformative time of our lives.
Drawing from more than two decades of work with thousands of clients and students, Jay weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with behind-closed-doors stories from twentysomethings themselves. The result is a provocative read that provides the tools necessary to take the most of your twenties, and shows us how work, relationships, personality, identity and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood--if we use the time well."
Review
I am currently in my mid-twenties, making me part of the target audience for this book, which was recommended by a friend. We were discussing our dilemmas and quandaries about life and the specific challenges we face at this age. The book is concise and filled with wisdom, written by a credible clinical psychologist.
The author demystifies the cultural impression that your twenties should be solely about inconsequential exploration and adventures. While this decade can certainly involve those experiences, it doesn’t mean that they can’t be intentional or directed. The author addresses the topics of work and love, emphasising that the choices we make in these areas during our twenties can have long-term consequences.
She also challenges the myth that these are "the best years of your life." Her clinical experience suggests that these years are often characterised by confusion, self-doubt, and uncertainty, which is both reassuring and relatable. The conclusions emphasise the importance of accumulating personal capital in our careers and taking calculated risks to uncover untapped opportunities, such as leveraging weak ties and learning how to effectively share our personal narratives.
In terms of love, the book draws on psychological research regarding personality and offers perspective on our goals and ambitions, enabling us to make more reasonable choices. This insightful read is highly recommended for anyone navigating the beautiful and turbulent decade of their twenties.
Key Takeaways
- Your twenties are a time filled with opportunities and adventures, but it’s important to approach them with intentionality and direction
- Focus on building long-term personal capital, as its benefits may not seem obvious in the short term
- Take the time to understand your goals in love, and educate yourself about research on personality and lasting relationships to help guide your decisions
Who Should Read This
Young adults seeking guidance on navigating the important decade of their twenties with wisdom, intentionality, and an open mind.
Favourite Quotes
"Twentysomethings like Helen imagine that crisis is for now and capital is for later when, in fact, crisis and capital can—and should—go together, like they did for Erikson. Researchers who have looked at how people resolve identity crises have found that lives that are all capital and no crisis—all work and no exploration—feel rigid and conventional. On the other hand, more crisis than capital is a problem too. As the concept of identity crisis caught on in the United States, Erikson himself warned against spending too much time in “disengaged confusion.” He was concerned that too many young people were “in danger of becoming irrelevant.”"
"One thing this has taught me is that a good story goes further in the twentysomething years than perhaps at any other time in life. College is done and résumés are fledgling, so the personal narrative is one of the few things currently under our control. As a twentysomething, life is still more about potential than proof. Those who can tell a good story about who they are and what they want leap over those who can’t."
"My supervisor informed me that the nodding therapists we see on television are stereotypes, and that if I wanted to be helpful, I needed to be less patient. This was good news because I am an impatient person."
"In psychotherapy, there’s a saying that “the slower you go, the faster you get there.” Sometimes the best way to help people is to slow them down long enough to examine their own thinking. Everyone has gaps in their reasoning. If you stop and shine a light on these mental ellipses, you find assumptions that drive behavior without our being aware of them."
Rating
⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5 stars)